She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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