My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
