so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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