we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
