1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
