true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
