none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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