I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
