Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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