were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
