i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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