last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
