Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
