hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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