She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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