nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
