after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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