R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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