yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
