You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
