I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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