all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
