took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
