I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
