Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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