so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
