Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
