I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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