He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
