i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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