No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
NoShamevember. You game?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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