I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
