So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
