Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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