Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
