Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love having hate sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
