there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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