Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
