I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
