You're completely useless in the revolution.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
