That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
