i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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