I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
