On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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