I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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