There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
