I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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