fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
