You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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