This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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