She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
